


Peter Benjamin Parker

by AshCommaMan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Coming Out, Demigirl MJ, Peter is just figuring out that he's trans, Trans Peter Parker, gender discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 11:47:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11668509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshCommaMan/pseuds/AshCommaMan
Summary: Peter finally realizes--after months of questioning--that he's trans. He comes to the conclusion and tells MJ, Aunt May, and Ned.Done by request on tumblr. If you've got a request, feel free to submit one! the-voice-of-night-vale.tumblr.com





	Peter Benjamin Parker

When Peter figured out he was a boy, it was like finally drinking water after years in a desert. He had been feeling vaguely depressed for months, totally and completely detached from himself and his body. 

He had just gotten out of the shower, and was looking at himself in the mirror. A little idea popped into his head, something that was totally silly and ridiculous. But hey, why not? He was alone, after all. 

He reached up, pointed to his misty reflection in the bathroom mirror, and whispered, “He.” It was quiet, and Peter felt foolish the moment it left his mouth. He shook his head, as if to clear it. There was no way he was trans, right?

He had been questioning himself off and on over the past few months, thanks to how detached he felt from himself. 

It had started one day in June, a few days after school had gotten out. They were sitting on a picnic bench in a park near Ned’s house, when MJ cleared her throat and announced, “I’m a demigirl.” Her voice had been firm, and invited no argument. 

Of course, Ned and Peter had been confused, but supportive, and MJ had calmly explained to them what it meant, and had directed them to a few blogs and articles and Wikipedia pages that would help give them some more information. 

And once Peter started looking into things like that--with the intention of better understanding his friend’s new identity--he had started to question:  _ What if I’m like that too? _

He had started with demigirl. After all, he had been a girl all his life, had been connected to his femininity from birth. He tried that label on for a while, and for a week or so, it felt right. It felt good to have a label. 

But soon, those thoughts came back, and he felt himself drifting from his identity. Maybe demigirl wasn’t it. 

Next came genderfluid, and that felt a little better. Sometimes he felt so disconnected from his feminine side that he felt nauseous when people called him “Karen” or referred to him as a girl. He asked people on the internet--always under the guise of anonymity--to refer to him with ‘they/them’ pronouns. Those didn’t feel quite right, and so he tried a few others: ‘xe/xer,’ ‘ey, eir,’ until he decided that that wasn’t right.

He thought,  _ Maybe I’m not a girl at all? _

He perused blogs on tumblr, read experiences of nonbinary people, and found the term ‘agender.’ He thought about himself. Did he feel like he didn’t have a gender? No, not really, and non-gendered pronouns didn’t feel right in his chest, didn’t feel like they encapsulated him. 

So finally, he faced the terrifying truth: Maybe he was a boy, after all. Maybe he was more of a Luke than a Leia. 

But this little show in the mirror hadn’t quite done the trick, hadn’t quite convinced him. So, he dressed and went out into the living room, to the closet where Aunt May kept Uncle Ben’s clothes. 

As painful as the memory of his uncle’s death was, these were the only men’s clothes in the apartment. 

As he pulled the trunk down off the shelf--nearly being knocked over thanks to the weight of the thing--he thanked God that Aunt May wouldn’t be home for at least another hour. 

The trunk was heavy, really heavy, and so it took him a good couple of minutes to drag it across the floor and to his bedroom, grunting and trying to encourage himself along the way. “Come on, it’s not that heavy, don’t be a pansy.”

When he finally got to his bedroom, he opened the trunk. These were all too big for him, but he figured that might be a good thing. They might help to hide his already small boobs and blossoming curves. 

After a little while of looking, he found a button-up shirt with a jacket and a pair of slacks. 

Swallowing hard, Peter undressed again and put those on.

Everything was big, since he was short and thin, but not so much that he was exactly  _ swimming _ in the clothes. He went over to the full-body mirror, and grabbed his long hair, holding it up so it almost looked kind of like he didn’t have it. 

“Ben,” he said to himself. “Ben Parker. I’m Ben Parker, and I’m a boy.” Those words. Those words felt right, after what seemed like years of not feeling quite right when someone said “she” to him. He strutted around the room, saying that to himself, over and over again, trying to make the words feel more familiar in his mouth. 

He felt a smile break across his face. Maybe this was a phase, like some people insisted it was when he came out as pan, but he didn’t care, because at the moment, it felt right, and he felt his heart soar. Maybe he finally found something that fit him. 

He started jumping around the room, congratulating himself and feeling euphoric. It wasn’t perfect by any means, and his depression wasn’t gone because he found something that fit him, but it was the best he’d felt in months. 

MJ was the first person he texted. Of all people, she would understand. 

_ MJ I think I might be trans. _

_ Really? _

_ Yeah. I mean, it might not be it, but this feels right. I’m wearing some of my uncle ben’s dress clothes and… it feels right. I like how i look.  _

_ You’re a dork. But hey, that’s great! So, should i change pronouns? _

_ Yeah, please. He and him. _

_ What about a name? _

_ I like ben. For my uncle, you know. _

_ Yeah, I get it. Congrats, ben  _

_ Thanks MJ. _

 

He got out of those clothes and back into his pajamas. He put the clothes back in the trunk and then into the closet--still struggling with moving the huge, kind of dusty case--before going to his room. He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. Of course, MJ wasn’t the only person he had to come out to. He had Ned, and Aunt May--whom, he knew, would both be really supportive--and then his teachers. That wasn’t going to be quite as easy, but if his aunt supported him, then he knew that it would be okay. 

He sat down, and picked up the book he had been reading.  _ Peter Pan  _ was one of his favorite books from his childhood, and he took the time every couple of years to reread it, just to re-immerse himself in that fantasy world. 

 

After an hour or two of reading, though, he started to consider using the name “Peter.” 

“Peter Parker,” he whispered to himself. “My name is Peter Parker. I’m fourteen, and my best friends are Ned and MJ.” He repeated that to himself a few times, leaning his head back and shutting his eyes. 

That sounded right. He missed his Uncle Ben, and he would have liked to immortalize him, but he decided that Peter would be what he went with. Maybe Benjamin could be his middle name, since ‘Marie’ wasn’t exactly manly. 

He took out his phone and texted MJ again. 

_ Do you like Ben or Peter better? _

_ For your name? I dunno. Peter Parker is alliteration. _

_ You’re right. I think I might want Peter.  _

_ Cool, cool. _

 

He leaned back in his bed, looking up at the ceiling. “Peter,” he repeated to himself, getting used to having it in his mouth, getting used to thinking of himself like that. “Peter Benjamin Parker.”

Aunt May had come home earlier, and she was in the process of making dinner, so Peter decided that it was now or never. Maybe he could get all of the coming out out of the way in one night? That way he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore.

He left his room and went out to the kitchen, biting down hard on his lip. 

“Aunt May?” he asked, his high voice trembling.

She glanced up for a moment and her brow furrowed slightly. He must have been more visibly nervous than he thought. “What is it?” she asked in the cautious voice a guardian used when their ward was worrying them.

“I’m— I think I’m trans. Or— I’m pretty sure I’m trans. I’m a boy… now.” God he stumbled on that a lot. He had even thought about what he wanted to say, but the minute it came out of his mouth, he decided that it wasn’t right anymore, and so he kept trying to improvise. Why couldn’t this have been like when MJ came out? She sounded so sure of herself. “You know, I’m like, I’ve been thinking--and I thought that it might fit me better…” he trailed off, feeling his face darkening in embarrassment. 

Once the news sank in, Aunt May did what might have been the worst thing. She put the bowl and spoon she had been holding down, and led Peter over to the table. He obediently followed, sitting down and feeling his heart beating away in his chest. 

“Sweetheart, I love you, no matter who you are. But I just want to have a conversation about this. When did you figure this out?”

“Well, I’ve been kind of thinking about it for a while, ever since MJ came out as a demigirl last June,” he started, talking quickly and in one breath. “I tried a whole bunch of labels, but none of them worked, and then I finally thought that I might be a boy.” He decided to omit the part where he had tried Uncle Ben’s clothes on, unsure how his aunt would feel about that. “And I was just thinking about it a lot today, and I like being called he more than she, and I originally wanted the name Ben, after Uncle Ben, but I was reading Peter Pan and I think I like Peter better, with Benjamin as a middle name.” He blushed, feeling stupid for taking his new name after a character in a kid’s book. 

Aunt May didn’t say anything though, merely nodded along and listened. 

“So is that what you’ve decided on?” she asked. “Peter Benjamin Parker? I need to know so I can use the right name next time I yell at you.” Her face broke into a smile and Peter couldn’t help but do the same. 

“Yeah,” he said, nodding slightly. 

“And do you want anything else? I can see if our insurance will help pay for hormones, and surgery, if you want.”

“Um, I’m not quite sure if I want those yet, but, a binder would be nice.” He smiled slightly shyly. “Those are these things that help make you look flat-chested. And— a haircut.”

“Okay. Just, show me how to order one and I will. I want to make this easy for you. And we can go down to Telly’s and get your hair cut. Whatever makes you happy. And I’ll call the school and I’ll let them know, if you want. I can email your teachers.”

“Thanks, Aunt May,” he said quietly. She opened her arms and he hugged her, leaning his face into her shoulder. 

“I love you, Peter,” she whispered. “I want you to know that you’ll always be safe with me.”

“Thanks, Aunt May,” he said quietly. “I love you too.”

 

She went back to cooking and Peter returned to his room. He had promised Ned that they would be able to play some videogames that night, so he opened Skype and messaged him. He figured he would probably come out to him then, too. 

When Ned called, he waved at the camera and said, “Hey, hey, Karen. What’s up?”

Peter gathered his wits about him, but it seemed with every coming out, it was getting easier. He tried to think of some kind of reference to make a joke out of it, but nothing came to mind, and his window was closing. “Actually, Ned,” he said, smiling slightly. “It’s not Karen anymore. It’s Peter.”

A little frown crossed his friend’s face. “Huh?”

“I’m trans. I’m a guy now.” Peter, for a heart-stopping moment, thought Ned was going to reject him, and he felt his shoulders sag. 

“Oh! Hey, cool, I’m not the only guy in the group anymore!” He laughed, and Peter, filled with relief, laughed with him. “Does MJ know?”

“Yeah, she was the first one I told. And I told Aunt May too. She’s being really cool about it.”

“Hey, man, I’m happy for you. I’ve noticed you’ve been kind of down lately. Does this have anything to do with it?”

“Yeah, I think it might. So, hey, are we playing League or what?”

“Hell yeah, let’s go.”


End file.
